Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
