I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
