he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
