D3 body, D1 cock
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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