I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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