dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
