dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
