I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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