i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
