she kept yelling 'call me bella'
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
