I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
