dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
