There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
