you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
