Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
