the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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