It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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