just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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