I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
