Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
