Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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