Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
