don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
