I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
