obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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