well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
