it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
