Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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