i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
