Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
