why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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