Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
