this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Acid is not a monday night drug
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
