Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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