Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
