he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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