We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
