This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm bleeding and have questions
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
