HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
