You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
