For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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