let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
