im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
