And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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