Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
