I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
