There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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