I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
