I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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