buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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