I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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