God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
