if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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