dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
