is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
