That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
