Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
